Tuesday, February 28, 2017

My Person

This is Thomas Judd. He has been my husband for almost 21 years. We have 9 children together. We've lived in 7 houses and 3 states together. Like everyone we've had some pretty crappy times. Life is hard. But mostly I choose not to think about all that. This guy, right here is my safe place. He gets me. He is my "person".

 At 36 weeks pregnant with this cute little guy I was diagnosed with choroidal melanoma. Eye cancer! My metaphorical carpet was ripped out from underneath me. It was one of those afore mentioned crappy times in our 21 years together. Was I going to die? How could Thomas possibly raise 9 kids without me? All I want is to raise my kids and see them grow up! We can't afford all the medical bills! How are the kids going to deal with this? Etc.

There is so much to write down, so much I want to remember and preserve about this frightening, horrible, yet beautiful and sacred time. But today I just want to immerse myself in the feelings of gratitude I have for my Thomas.

He always builds me up and makes me believe that he has supreme faith in me. He completely trusts me and my opinions and judgement. He is amazing at showing his appreciation for me and how hard I work. He loves people, doesn't judge them, and has the rare gift to be able to see things from others' perspectives.  He is fantastic at mediating and healing hurt feelings. He is open, honest, and sincere. He is fun, playful, a little irreverent, and is comfortable in his own skin. He doesn't like to conform just for the sake of arbitrary expectations placed on him. Sometimes it's hard for him to be a round peg in a square hole. But mostly he's confident. He's a loving father. Our kids call him "silly daddy". He works so hard to make them all happy.

While I was in the hospital, he stayed the whole week with me! I thought I would be OK without him there. But he knew before I did that I didn't want him to go. He slept on a tiny, hard, uncomfortable little couch. Because I couldn't see and was still recovering from childbirth he got up every 3 hours and set up the breast pump so I could maintain my milk supply while I had to be away from our baby.

I definitely don't have everything I want, but I am so overwhelmingly thankful for what I do have. Our marriage and family are the most beautiful gift. I could never have become the person I am today without Thomas' love. And I never want to see my world without him in it!

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